So sad

3 06 2011

Today mommy is so sad.  She went to a funeral today.  These things are always sad because it means someone has passed away and they are no longer with us.  That is very sad because who wants to think of a friend or family member not being there anymore??  But this funeral was really sad because it was for a baby – a beautiful little girl that had been born too soon and the odds were just stacked against her.  Her name was Remy Elena and she belonged to my friends Pete and Mary.  Mommy can’t imagine what they must be going through right now – I think if anything happened to you there would be an ache and a hole in my heart that would never heal.  So I know this must be the same for them – and although I know that much, I don’t know what that pain feels like.  When my mommy passed away I was only five years old – not really old enough to understand what death meant and young enough to adapt to a life without her as if that was normal.  But a parent losing a child – it’s a pain that is inconceivable to me and I wish that my friends didn’t have to adapt to a life without their beautiful little girl.  I can only pray that the short time they had with her will have filled their hearts enough that though painful now, that love will help them go on.

I believe I’ve mentioned once before I started this blog as a way to let you know how loved you are by me.  I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that I could die young, like my mother, and you’ll get older and wonder what I thought about you.  I know people think I’m silly for thinking about this – but how can I not when that’s what happened to me?  I needed to do this so you know, you never wonder how much you mean to me and how much you are loved.  You’re my world  – that’s the only way I can describe it – and you really won’t appreciate it until you have kids of your own someday.  So on a day like today, as a mourn for my friends, I am so thankful that I have you and you are healthy and quietly sleeping in your crib as I type this.  I smothered you with a few more kisses then usual (hard to believe really since I normally smother you way too much as it is!) and tomorrow morning I’ll hug you extra hard.  You are my little monkey. Night night Christopher, sleep tight.


Well I knew that was going to happen…..

21 11 2010

Now that the pressure is off on the 365 day project I knew I’d take forever to update this thing.  Whenever I’ve tried keeping a journal I either gave up or I only wrote in it once a month.  Don’t know why I thought this would be different.  Well, actually I do.  I thought since I was doing it for Christopher I’d be more motivated.  I kept a written journal during my pregnancy, kept another written one during his first year, did the baby book, the 1st year calendar and this blog.  I know, seems like overkill right?  But having lost my mother at the age of 5, I know what it’s like to wish I had those things to look back on and see what she was thinking since she’s not here to tell me herself.  Now of course I plan on sticking around for a really long time so it shouldn’t be an issue – but I can’t help myself!  Gonna try to be better about writing this thing.  (and really God – please keep me here for a nice long time please)

Oddly enough the thing I haven’t stopped doing is taking a picture of him everyday.  Even if it’s just him playing in his play yard.  I have loved looking back and seeing how significant the changes are in his growth.  And these days with a digital camera it’s so easy to do!

The latest thing we’re dealing with are night terrors.  I hate it.  The monkey cries almost every night now.  Sometimes he just whimpers a few times and goes back to sleep.  Other times it’s blood curdling cries followed by him sitting up staring in to space.  I can’t tell if he’s awake or not – the books say to leave them alone, they’ll work through it and go back to sleep and not even remember the incident.  I’ve tried to do that – but really how can you????  He won’t stop crying and he tries getting up, but he’s half asleep so he falls into the side of the crib.  It’s so awful.  Of course I pick him up and he stops instantly.  But when I try putting him back down he starts crying again.  The doctor says it’s normal.  She said from her experience kids that grind their teeth or don’t nap enough during the day tend to experience this more.  When I’m holding him I think I can hear him grinding his teeth – but how do you stop that?  I try putting his binky in his mouth but when he’s that upset he just spits it out.  I’d say on the weekend the nap thing could be the issue – but he cries during the week and he gets plenty of nap time at school.  It’s only me that can’t get him to go down….unless I’m driving!   So now I take hour drives to no where when he does that just so he’ll get some sleep.  I thinking gas might be an issue too.  Sometimes I check the monitor before going in his room to see if he’ll settle in – and if he sits up then I go in.  And a lot of the time if it progresses to my picking him up, he’ll be crying, fart, then stop.   I keep telling myself to add the gripe water to his last bottle of the day but I always forget.  The last few nights I haven’t even gotten him in his crib – he’s been stuffy and it makes it hard to breathe so unless I’m cuddled next to him he’d just cry and cry.  But tonite he went down ok and keeping fingers crossed he’ll stay that way until tomorrow a.m……

This is one of the outfits Christopher got for his birthday.  I love it – he’s totally ready for fall 🙂

my friend Susan and I got together so I could do Christmas pics of her daughter Jordan and she’d help me with taking Christopher’s.  Jordan got in on the action and was taking pictures for me – I actually think I’m using one of the pics she took!

I had gone to this park in Garden City with my friend Anita once – it’s near her new house.  While I was out shopping the other day Christopher was a little restless so I figured I’d bring him to the park to burn off some energy.  Of course I didn’t realize the park is only for GC resident’s and their guests…..was hoping the whole time I was there the GC cops or better yet, some insane GC folk weren’t going to demand to see my driver’s license!!

speaking of Anita – monkey wants to thank you for the fridge magnets – he’s been having lots of fun with them.

and I finally got around to hiring my neighbor’s kid Megan to come over and be a mother’s helper.  She played with Christopher while I got some housework done.  Really need to do that more often!

yup – that’s Cap’t Adorable blowing on a duck call….he’s made daddy so proud

Day 350

25 10 2010

What?  I was practicing my hip hop dance moves and I fell asleep in the middle of my routine.  What can I say, I was tired!

Day 105

21 02 2010

Finally – here is a picture of me with my Grandpa Richie.  Me and mommy went for a visit at my granpdarent’s house upstate.  We’re gonna be staying for two whole nights.  I am so excited to get to spend time with them – I don’t see them to often!  I really like playing with Grandpa Richie – he’s silly.  And I get to see Aunt Gen and Aunt Victoria too.